I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
