I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
