My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
