the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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