Nicole vs. Life
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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