I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
