then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
