as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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