Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
