It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
