She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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