Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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