who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
