So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
