i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
