Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
