I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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