He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
