I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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