you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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