My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
