i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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