OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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