she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
