We're facebook friends in real life
My hand turned me down
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
