It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
