I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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