finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
