they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
