...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize