She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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