i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
