dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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