nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
