3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
