fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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