please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
