TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
His hands were made for my vagina.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
