How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
