He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
