nut hugger
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
