The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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