Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
