3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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