Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
