the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
