Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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