I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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