Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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