new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
