hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
