Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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