He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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