I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
